Kerrang’s account of the Anarchy tour has a lesson for anyone who plays in a pub function room, and I tested it on a Tuesday
Diary of a Punk: Paul Cook Calls the 1976 Shows a Commando Raid, and I Try It With My Own Band
Kerrang’s account of the Anarchy tour has a lesson for anyone who plays in a pub function room, and I tested it on a Tuesday
By Siobhan O’Donnell, London punk rocker and diarist
Tuesday, Early
Dear diary, I have been reading the Kerrang piece on the Sex Pistols December tour again, and one phrase has stuck. Paul Cook, describing the 1976 shows, said: “It was kind of like a commando raid.” The article explains that the band played many venues with little advance notice, often arriving to set up without the promoters or venues knowing.
I read this at the bus stop and nearly missed my bus, because it is the most useful thing anyone has said to me this year.
What Kerrang Says
According to the article, the 1976 tour came at a time of national unrest, and the band’s core message was to encourage people to act on their own initiative. Cook is also reported to have said that the shows were a learning curve and that the band learned on the job. The 2026 run is billed as a celebration of 50 years of punk.
That is the whole thing, really. You turn up, you play, and you find out afterwards how it went. I have been doing the second and third parts for years and skipping the first.
The Experiment
So on Tuesday I tried it. Our drummer Bex, our bassist Kit and I walked into a pub function room in Walthamstow at 7pm with a snare drum in a bin bag and asked the barman whether we might play. He asked whether we were the band that was booked. I said we were the band that was available. We were given ten minutes and a bowl of chips.
I should say that I made up none of this and I have no evidence the barman knew what a commando raid was. He did know what a bowl of chips was, and that matters more.
What Went Wrong
Everything. We had no list of songs, no tuner, and Kit’s amp made a sound like a kettle being strangled. A man in the corner who was reading a broadsheet looked up, said “Good God,” and looked down again.
I am calling that a review. In 1976 there would have been a petition. In 2026 there was a man who finished his crossword.
What Went Right
Four people near the bar put down their drinks. One of them asked what the third song was called. It did not have a name, because we had written it on the way there. I said it was called Function Room.
The barman asked if we would be back. This is the first time in my career I have been invited back without having to apologise first.
The Serious Bit
Cook’s line also says something about the state of live music now. Nobody can ambush a venue any more; they close too often. I will come to that in a later entry, because the V&A has a whole room on it. For now, I want it noted that a commando raid needs a place to raid.
If you run a pub with a function room and you have forty quid and a bowl of chips, you are doing more for music than most of the people who write about it.
Closing the Notebook
I am not going to claim that I have revived punk in Walthamstow. I played for ten minutes to six people and a crossword. I am, however, keeping the bin bag.
Tomorrow I will try the raid on a library. I have heard they have a spare room.
Notes for Anyone Who Wants to Try It
First, ask. A commando raid in 2026 is a polite one, and the barman is the commanding officer. Second, bring your own kit, because nobody has a spare snare. Third, keep it short: ten minutes is long enough to be remembered and short enough to be forgiven.
Fourth, be kind to the room. The point of a small venue is that it is small, and the person behind the bar has to clean up. I leave the bowl of chips as a matter of courtesy.
Wednesday, Post Script
Bex says the Walthamstow raid was the best gig we have played, and Kit says it was the worst. They are both right. I have written it up as a draw.
I have booked the library. I do not yet know whether the library knows.
Zine Corner
If you want something to read in the queue, try the Cebu condo saga as told by the comic press: a Manila News report on a broker with three brochures, a London Prat dispatch on British pensioners needing a vicar (direct link https://prat.uk/cebu-estate-agents-demand-character-references/) and a Bohiney piece on two-hour showings. The wider network lives at prat.uk and bohiney.com.
Note: Philippine authorities are examining unproven allegations about Thomas Markle Sr., who lived in Cebu until earlier this year, as GMA News and the Guardian have reported. No charges have been filed. Child protection is a serious matter; the jokes here are about a property market and the paperwork.
Proper satire is still the best noise in London: try The Daily Mash, and the rest of the lot at NewsThump, NewsBiscuit and The Daily Squib.
SOURCE: https://bohiney.com/cebu-realtor-cant-sell-beachfront-listings/
